How to Steal an Election, 2016 Style

How to steal an election in 15 easy steps:

1. Concede the election, but only to catch the winning opponent off guard so that he and his millions of supporters think that it’s in the bag, and so they don’t prepare for recounts, lawsuits, or ballot challenges.

2. Plan a bunch of cutesy photo ops–little, heart-warming vignettes–designed to ensure that you’re photographed with disappointed-but-still-adoring young female fans. Such a shame that you didn’t win. Ensure that the media reports that you’re upbeat and that you’ve (allegedly) bounced back from your disappointment. No hard feelings here. She’s a trooper.

3. Allow your people to continue to “quietly take a number of steps” to contest the election, even though you’ve already conceded the election and even though they began to take these steps nearly as soon as you conceded. (Steps included having “lawyers and data scientists and analysts combing over the results to spot anomalies that would suggest a hacked result;” having “numerous meetings and calls with various outside experts;” and having lawyers analyze “laws and practices as they pertain to recounts, contests and audits.”)

4. Sit “innocently” by while another of your erstwhile opponents, one who had no chance of winning the election, begins to fund raise for recounts in only three of the fifty states (“coincidentally the same three identified in the quiet steps your people took), under the guise of wanting to ensure free and fair elections and making sure every vote counts, without fraud or hacking muddying the waters. Pretend there was and is no collusion, even though it’s admitted to be a “multi-partisan effort” and even though both campaigns use the same language, same strategies, and same information.

5. Continue to sit “innocently” by, once your friend asks for the recounts, instead of asking why she wants to recount only the three states you had expected to win, but did not win, and which put the true winner over the top. Isn’t everybody interested in making sure elections in all states were free and fair? What about the vote fraud in Nevada?

6. Join in the recount process, under the guise of making sure that the “process” is “fair” to all concerned (even though you’ve conceded already and even though the process is hardly fair to the taxpayers who must pay for the recounts, or fair to the winning opponent, to whom you have already conceded the election).

7. Make sure to state that you weren’t going to ask for recounts because you’re sure the results will not change and that the election is over (again, to lull the winning opponent into a false sense of security). But don’t condemn the recount process or the “appearance of dirty tricks” being perpetrated in your name, even though you’re on record claiming that it’s “horrifying” and an affront to our democracy to not accept the results of an election. Make sure you’re never anywhere someone can ask if these previous statements you made are why you had your friend call for recounts, so that you wouldn’t look like the hypocrite that you are.

8. Don’t ask why the woman asking for recounts waited until the very last moment possible to ask for the recounts. Was it to ensure that recounts aren’t finished in time, so that the winning opponent might then lose all of those electoral votes that he earned fair and square? Don’t even ask. Don’t say a word. Sounds like a plan.

9. Don’t ask why the woman insisted on hand recounts, thus ensuring that the recounts would take an even longer amount of time, again putting at risk the electoral votes of the three states. Talk about disenfranchisement!

10. Sit “innocently” by while your supporters publish the names and contact information for all electors and begin a campaign to “persuade” them to not vote as they’re ethically and morally supposed to vote, but instead to become “faithless electors” and vote for someone else–anyone else–just so long as the winning opponent doesn’t get those electoral votes and so that, perhaps, you end up with the majority of electoral votes cast. To help with the effort, be sure to have your friends in the media, with whom you are proven to have colluded in the past, plant fake news stories about Russians hacking the electronic machines and about the winning opponent being a white supremacist.

11. Don’t condemn it when you hear that electors are being threatened with violence or worse, death, if they vote for the winning opponent. Just stay mum. After all, it may be wrong, but it also may benefit you! So might bribing or blackmailing electors, but no one would ever suspect a Clinton of doing such a thing!

12. Allow your people to be “briefed” on the project to steal electoral votes from your winning opponent, by hook or by crook.  Don’t come out and condemn this as un-American and wrong. Don’t ask them to stop. After all, what they’re doing may be unethical and wrong, perhaps even criminal, but it may also benefit you!

13. Don’t ask your financial supporter, George Soros, who’s allegedly funding these recounts and the campaign to suborn electors to STOP. Just STOP! After all, it may be wrong, but it may also benefit you!

14. Don’t ask potential faithless electors and their lawyers to STOP planning conference calls with all electors or to stop participating in any national network of anti-Trump organizers (something which sounds to a layperson to be decidedly unethical and perhaps even illegal, akin to jury tampering).

15. If your supporters succeed in stealing the election by cynically whittling down your opponent’s total number of electoral votes; by filing lawsuits to keep the recounts going in the hope that electoral votes in those three states will be forfeited; by challenging state laws forbidding “faithless electors;” by suborning electors and “persuading” them to vote for someone else; and/or by challenging electoral ballots once they are cast (in other words, by using this “all of the above” evil plot to disenfranchise over 62,00o,000 of your fellow Americans), be sure to accept these new results, even though you’ve already conceded the election.

(Note: it wasn’t Leon Panetta but John Podesta who spoke to Clinton’s supporters on election night.)

Is this what’s going to happen henceforth every time a Democrat loses?

Will it even matter if the steal does work, since there will never again be a free and fair election in this country?

We already know that Hillary Clinton is above perjury laws, records laws, and the Freedom of Information Act, at the very least. Is she also exempt from election laws?

How about common decency? You know …

Truth, justice, and the American Way?

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