Where it Happened: Main Street, Plains, Georgia.
The Home of Democrat Jimmy Carter, the 39th President of the USA
THE OBAMA DOLL CAPER
Who has the audacity to say that newspapers do not report hard news these days? The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is telling it like it is, and it is about time. An AP reporter who is definitely worth her salt captured her audience with the headline “Obama Effigy Hanged in Jimmy Carter’s Hometown.” Yes, in the pre-dawn hours this past Saturday, someone hung a large black doll from a building on Main Street in Plains, Georgia. The authorities gave no description of the apparel that Dolly X was wearing.
The Secret Service was called to the scene to investigate and the Sumter County Sheriff’s Department referred all calls regarding the “incident” to them. Ed Donovan, the Secret Service spokesman, told “The Associated Press that the large black doll was found Saturday morning along Main Street in the small town of Plains.” One witness told a local “television station that the doll wore a sign with Obama’s name on it.” It is unknown if the television crew got there in time to televise the removal of the doll from the building. It is also a mystery as to whether the fire department was dispatched to hoist a ladder or if the HazMat team worked alone.
Witnesses have given varying descriptions. It is still unknown if this was a Barbie, a collector doll, vintage or antique doll. Some thought it might have been a Mattel’s Little Mommy Scoot, Madame Alexander or a Play Along Doll. It was apparently an African American doll, but it is unknown whether it was made of porcelain or vinyl. The American Girl doll was described by another person at the scene, and that doll is spunky and sassy. She teaches girls to stick up for themselves against bullies by talking and saying “no.” I think we can safely say, this wasn’t the doll that was hung, unless her aggressor was deaf.
Was Dolly X a Scoot So Cute doll that comes to life because she has a magic motion sensor that activates as she crawls? Scoot is pre-packed with Duracell Copper-top AA Batteries and weighs in at a whopping 1.9 lbs. She is said to be 11.0”’ x 9.5” x 7.9.” It is unknown if the Dolly X was made in China and if any of her parts were harmful if touched or tasted. No one was close enough to determine if the doll had eyes that opened or closed. A bystander who was near to where the doll was cut down and then evacuated, said it measured between 9.5″ – 12″ tall. Not one witness could tell if the doll did something or doesn’t ‘do’ anything. From all the varying witness descriptions, it was most likely the Baby Alive Whoopsie doll. Their ad states “she is life-like and coos, giggles, eats, pees and even poops on her own.” Whether the hung doll was a do something or do nothing doll is a mystery. Not one official when asked would say if Dolly X needed a diaper change after her ordeal.
One person said she saw peanuts fall out of the doll’s pockets as it was taken away in an unmarked car, but the amount of peanuts and whether they were shelled or unshelled could not be confirmed. Another Main Street store owner thought she saw a price tag dangling from the doll’s clothing. A ball of string was found at the crime scene.
Main Street was cleared by 10:15 a.m. to the relief of the town folk.
Nationwide lists of stolen dolls that were reported during this Christmas season are being checked, as well as Ebay sales records. Someone is responsible.
The doll who was wearing a sign that read “Obama” was immediately removed from public view. Although, in hindsight, letting it remain might have increased the town’s flailing tourism during these economic times. Where were these government officials when some California men hung Sarah Palin in effigy? Sarah was allowed to remain for a full month, yet this tiny doll in Plains disappeared. Oh, the inequality of the South. Will we soon see legislation enacted by Nancy Pelosi making it a felony to hang a doll in any other state than her own?
The huge town of Plains with its 600 residents “where presidential tourism is a major draw” now had a doll hung from a major building. Like you, I want to hear the 911 call reporting this travesty! Who was the anonymous witness? I can certainly see why the local and state police, FBI, CIA, and Homeland Security would be called in on this huge case. The soon to be infamous “Doll Caper” is where the government tax money should be spent. Attorney General Holder was right about not prosecuting those Black Panthers. That would be a frivolous expenditure when there are so many other cases like Dolly X’s to pursue.
This doll abuse case is not over. Pity the poor doll manufacturer having to turn over their thousands of sales receipts to the official doll investigators. Janet Napolitano weighed in on this dangerous situation on left wing Sunday talk shows. She said, “This was a national security threat and the system worked.” She referenced her earlier Homeland Security Report release and emphatically stated that the “doll was a right-wing terrorist.” The immediate response of the Secret Service, local police, sheriff’s department, FBI and CIA have placed a particular emphasis on the causes of right-wing extremist radicalization, and this was a great example of just how far they will go to get to the root causes. Although her statement was said while under extreme duress after a week of other terrorist threats from Al Queda operatives, Janet may change her stance tomorrow. It is fully understood why all agencies were involved in the Dolly X caper investigation. This event came on the heels of Al Queda’s failed crotch bomber fiasco last week, and they certainly didn’t want another good crisis to go to waste.
Further details will be reported as soon as they are released. If you know of anyone in Plains that was on the street and filmed any portion of the government’s arrival, inappropriate handling, mistreatment, or disposal of Dolly X, we urge you to have them send it immediately to Homeland Security. The Associated Press should also be sent a copy for their records.
UPDATE 1: One person reported hearing the doll speak as it was taken down from the building. The doll’s speech pattern was defined as slang and was not a southern dialect. It said, “Ma ma, Ma ma.” Another eye-witness reported it wasn’t “Ma ma,” but “O ba ma, O ba ma.” What will the official records show? Was Interpol involved? Will Dolly X remain in the evidence room forever? Only time will tell. We hope that our government will get to the bottom of this Doll Caper. They must analyze all of its implications. We can not afford for anyone to label this governmental effort as a sheer farce nor allow the investigation to be labeled a mockery. After all, we need to feel safe in our own hometowns, and we need the knowledge that our government is looking out for us.
“O ba ma, o ba ma.”
UPDATE 2: News of this is hitting all major news outlets. The first photograph of the hung Dolly X is below. See it to believe it. It looks more like a Voodoo doll to me, but I could be wrong.
“Obama’s effigy in Pres. Carter’s hometown”
PLAINS, GA (WALB) – A doll found hanging off a Main Street building in Plains is causing CONTROVERSY..…Witnesses say it was an image of President Barack Obama with a rope around his neck, and the display was found hanging in one of the city’s most recognizable sites dedicated to former President Jimmy Carter.
The Secret Service is handling the situation, we called and they said they won’t have a comment until next week.
UPDATE 3: Jimmy Carter was seen Sunday evening hightailing it out of Plains.
UPDATE 4: Rest Easy. The Doll Caper is Finally in Competent Hands.
Special Agent Barney Fife is on the job.
THIS CASE IS NOW CONSIDERED CLOSED !!!