In my dream, and I have very prophetic dreams, I saw the whole group of 400 fashionably dressed people sitting down to enjoy the Obama’s First Dignified State Dinner that was being held in a borrowed tent in November, in winter, with the temperatures hovering around 35 degrees. In the freezing cold, they walked from the White House across the lawn to the huge circus tent. Happily inside they saw dozens of patio heat lamps strategically placed throughout the tent to keep the temperature inside warm and cozy. Although the wind was blowing and snow was expected, the formally dressed partiers would be protected from the elements.
Mingling, greeting, and chatting as they do, they moved from table to table while searching for their tables and their names on place cards. Orchestra music played in the background as people roamed around the tent. Candles flickered on the autumn decorated tables set with presidential china from four presidents. Bowls of large, toasted and roasted acorns were surrounded by waxed autumn leaves creating a festive atmosphere. Indeed, this was a spectacular tent fit for a Prime Minister, his wife and all the presidential cronies.
People found their seats and the dinner bells were rung. As they began to eat their dinner of curry and whey, a huge commotion was heard, as all sides of the tent opened. With the flaps up, the winter winds were blowing across the room. Startled, people looked up with forks still in their mouths to see masses of uniformed officers surrounding them. The music stopped. Silence ensued. Someone called out his name. Obama thought they were surprising him with another award, and of course, he envisioned a stateside nobel prize dangling from his neck. With that vision in his head, he stood to greet these unexpected guests. As he stood, his neck stretched up straighter, thus lifting his nose to a higher angle than usual.
So as not to embarrass everyone in front of the visiting Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and his wife, officers quickly found them, and escorted them to the exit flaps of the tent. A little shaken at this early departure, the Singh’s were reassured that this was all being done for security purposes, and they would be taken to their hotel. Accompanying them were their uneaten meals that were nicely packaged and presented in a specially made White House doggie bag. The bag, colored black and white with a draw string at the top was made of a special burlap for strength and easy carrying. It was fashioned after those seen in markets throughout Asia. A special touch, which was an idea of Michelle’s, was that the name of “BO” be stitched on the front of the bag. On the bottom were the words, “Made in China” and “Approved for Dog Food by Zheng Xiaoyu, Food and Drug Safety Head.”
That was their hospitality gift personally chosen and now stocked by the Obama’s in the WH Gift Shop. They were supposed to receive the bag directly from the Obama’s according to Michelle’s Chief of Protocol. It was a nice touch that the officers were given that heads-up so they could include the Singh’s uneaten meals in the BO bag. It should be noted, that the Singh’s were already a little upset before they left the shindig, because they didn’t receive a bow from O. Later on, they summed up their trip to the US. It is reported they said all they got from their trip was a photo-op and a BO Gag Bag. (For the life of me, I don’t know what they were expecting. Did they feel slighted because they didn’t get a few CD’s with O’s speeches and some of his favorite Muslim music, or perhaps they wanted a toy Air Force One helicopter?).
After their departure from the tent, people were still wondering and looking around to see what would happen next. Michelle was frantically trying to signal one of her 22 assistants to see why the meal was interrupted and what was going on. A couple of people acknowledged her waves and shrugged their shoulders, and others ignored her. No one moved as officers went from table to table delivering formally written invitations for each lucky invitee. People smiled at each other and looked around for someone to give them instructions. They were so excited and couldn’t wait to open their presents. An officer went to the microphone, and told the partiers, they would be given further instructions in a few minutes. Anxiously they waited, as the anticipation mounted.
Mr. O was still standing surveying his subjects. His indignation was beginning to show as his nose rose higher in the air. His Cheshire Cat grin was starting to disappear. He still didn’t know what was happening, and Michelle didn’t either. He was wondering if they would get to him soon. He thought, “They should have come to me first. After all, I am the president.” As others were being served, he noted his teleprompter was no where in sight. He quickly realized he would need to improvise and give an impromptu thank you speech. Ummmm.
Officers swarmed throughout the tent, finally reaching Mr. O. In his usual off the cuff way, he gave a “shout out” to the huge officer who approached him. With a huge smile, the stupid grin we all have seen a thousand times, he was given his well earned prize. He opened his invitation, as he kept talking nonsensically. The grin and thoughts of a dangling new necklace disappeared as he was told to sit down, shut up, and lift his leg. The officer in charge of the operation walked in front of the microphone, and told the excited partiers, “You May Now Open Your Envelopes.” The sounds of envelopes ripping, giggling, and muffled conversations filled the tents night air.
The formal invitation had all of their names beautifully written on the envelopes. Inside, were matching subpoenas requested their presence at a Federal Court nearby for the charges of treason, perjury, racketeering, fraud, money laundering, election fraud, and other assorted crimes. These lovely subpoenas were marvelously scripted in calligraphy on paper fit for the occasion, and the specific meaningful words like “treason” caused deep gasps as envelopes were opened and read. A few fainted at the beauty of the paper and unbelievable words, while a few other’s heads were seen bobbing around in their soup bowls. Wine glasses were tipped and drunk, as others were pulled from their curry. It was noticed that Nancy Pelosi, emotionless, remained in her seat. Utterances about the CIA were overheard by those sitting close by.
After being given those delightful and unexpected invitations, the winners were each fitted with the newest GPS flashing ankle bracelets for monitoring purposes until the big day. Not only did these bracelets have electronic shock and surge controls, they were also fitted with multicolored lights of red, yellow and green. The red lights wouldn’t allow them to move their leg forward or backward or they would receive a huge shock. In other words, they are stopped in their tracks. The delightful lemon yellow warning light signals them if they are detouring from their allowed path. If they don’t check their movements, they will immediately see and feel the results of the red light. Red lights also have the added benefit of allowing them to see stars at any time night or day. The green lights signal them to maintain their walking speed or prepare for the yellow burning shock treatment.
As bracelets were fitted and engaged, hundreds of flashing different colored ankles twinkled on the floor of the big tent. This lighting ceremony certainly added to the festivities and the circus like atmosphere within the big tent. When done attaching the bracelets to hundreds of shaved, unshaved and hairy legs, the officers turned to leave, and told them to enjoy their last taxpayer meal. In unison with huge smiles that would put O’s smile to shame, the officers called out “Happy Thanksgiving.”
Groans, cries, screams, and a scrambling for the tent exits followed. People’s legs lit up the floor as people made their way to the tent exits. Scurrying and running, and then an abrupt return to slow walking was observed as their leg lights shown across the White House lawn like a long stretch of Malibu lights. They sped up and slowed down, and some were shocked to the ground. They tried to run, and were stopped in their tracks. Red, Yellow and Green never looked so good as these fashion plates tromped through Michelle’s kale and arugula on their way to the White House. They resembled frightened deer as they pushed past each other to try to get out to their cars.
Oh, just so you won’t worry, GPS Monitoring Systems and the Monitoring Companies were paid for in the Stimulus Bill, and were listed as Bracelets for Stay-at-Home Criminals. The Cincinnati Enquirer reported the request for $1.3 million in stimulus funds which would only cover 75 ankle bracelet monitors according to their calculations. Additional funding for the remaining bracelets will be taken from funds originally earmarked for community organizing groups. Legislative approval is pending. Quick passage of the legislation to redirect the funds all depends on how many blinking congressmen show up to vote. This is a fine example of our Stimulus Bill at work. This shows a community organized for the better good and how the funds will be put to good use. Also, jobs created and saved will be documented on the Recovery.gov website. Jobs lost will be reported on FOX in the near future. Watch for it. Also, CBS’s Katie Couric will be reporting from home as will NBC’s Keith Olbermann who will be busy counting down and trying to determine who is the worst person in the world.
And so ends the First and Last Dignified Obama State Dinner complete with presents to go.
This meal would be better named a barbeque.
Altogether now, mmmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmmm.
Sometimes dreams do come true!